Are you busy? Dont ask each of us the same question. Sometimes people respond in a very vague way (oh just some family stuff), which will tell me that its private or they just dont want to discuss it with me and Ill drop it and switch topics. Things have a funny way of working out. 79 Funny And Flirty Response To "I Hate You" Better Responses The problem with these is that the aforementioned cousin who wants you to babysit may treat your I dont know as nothing at all, I have zero excuses. You need to know your audience, but it does work well for the nosy-only requests. Just treating it as a question of not disclosing/being private is entirely the wrong approach. Seriously, both she and my sister are true extroverts, bless them, which is why I use the term hyper-social weirdos to describe them. It happens, even, as above, to straight white cis etc. Its not extreme when your life has several of those sharks who ask that just to trap you. Theyre private and you dont need to know them. Assholes. "Better days are coming. The cousin wanting a servant. Most of them, anyway. Yep, my wife and I too. Also, again in the UK, if the person is literally asking, the emphasis will be strongly on are. You an also use it to deflect people like the commenters who are entirely not malicious, because it can serve the same purpose of filling small talk, providing a topic of easy conversation, and/or signaling that you are busy but flexible to people you actually like. 3. Im really only comfortable with this question in that context from very close friends who I can trust to react well to Thanks, but Im not really up for X. Otherwise, the question makes me feel that Im being manipulated into agreeing to something before I know what it is. If I get hungry enough, Ill consider eating them. Do you feel obligated to help hosting her party when she wants to invite her people over? Yes! Just looking for my phonehave you seen it? I think this is an expected thing for women to do. Any request for someones time, regardless of the setting of the fun variable in your mind. What is the stuff?? Good, the colors on the leaves are amazing (in Fall) You know the parent is deliberately being controlling if that wont work for me gets any variation on, BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYY. Happy Weekend Wishes, Messages and Quotes - WishesMsg Oh LW this might be one of my very biggest pet peeves. Its all the other situations I listed that bother me the ones where I dont always know the purpose of the question / true intent of the asker, or I suspect its to get me to do something. I think its more like, LW has a bunch of overbearing, annoying relatives who use this as a manipulation tactic, so she now sees it as one. But a couple people have African-violeted me over this. Saying no at that point feels rude, and yeah some people have reacted badly. Answer accordingly. If its someone from work that I have no personal relationship with, then Any plans this weekend? just sounds like office small talk, the forward-looking version of How was your weekend? If its someone I know personally, then Are you doing anything tomorrow? sounds like a way to try to trick me into agreeing to do something not-fun (because if it was fun, theyd ask outright). This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). Thats my go-to when someone asks me what I am doing at some point in the near future. It doesnt matter if those plans are eating candy while watching Netflix with no pants on, they technically are plans. Sometimes its totally innocuous, as LW said. Hi / hello + [thing I want to talk about] can almost seem too abrupt in that context, particularly among peers. I'd Be Better if You Asked Me out If I Was Any Finer, I'd Be China Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? Texting gives you some time to think of clever or funny responses. Im glad youre no longer friends with that jerk. I understand theyre looking for an ice breaker, but its not that interesting to talk about Ill probably get to laundry if Im not too lazy. I wish there was another common conversation starter among people you already know. Me: Fine, thanks. It helps that at this point in my life Ive stopped associating with people who dont understand that sometimes you can only have so much fun and then you need some time to like, open all your mail and pet the cat. If its just to bond, asking about past activities might be an easier way to accomplish this. Its just small talk! As far as I can tell both we should hang out sometime/lets have lunch and yeah, we should can translate to you are a nice person I have run into on the street or to I want to see you, lets make plans.. But I dont think you can compare me to your dad. For acquaintances, the way you do in Sweden will also work in the US. Here's a more thorough list of things Siri manages to do well most of the time: Making a call / Facetime. Alternatively were just going to have to start getting out of bed earlier so we dont run into them, but I suspect that if she realised we were doing that she might actually change her own schedule. Early on in dating the boything, he would ask what I was doing that night in a way that made me think it was small talkso Id say oh, Im working on [project] probably, or I might just have an early night. And then he would assume I wasnt free, whereas if he would have said hey do you want to have dinner? I would have been on board. Speak to US respectfully. But it puts me on edge every time I hear it. It was glorious. There are a couple of questions my Mother asks that trigger a Pavlovian eye-roll from me because I know they are invariably followed by a request for a favor, to the point where if someone else asks me the same question in a totally innocuous way, I still react to it. Youll all be healthier and live longer if they learn some manners in how they treat you. But more often we talk about their kids or grandkids or the cute hat theyre wearing or the wedding theyre shopping for. (Id definitely use this for the likely-to-request-babysitting sister, for the recordany time youre asking someone a favor, you lead with that, you dont try to trap them into it!). People hinting around leading up to asking for dates: Pretty much the same deal, only much more dangerous. This is a different way of reacting to a social interaction. Most of what I get out of asking that conversation is sharing of day to day stuff about what we both have happening and are maybe looking forward to [that I can be happy or excited about for them] or things coming up they are anxious about or having other difficult feelings about [that they can talk about if they want to, or that I then know they might be having a difficult time on Tuesday so I should give them a ring then and see how it went/offer support if they want to process through talking]. Demanding person: Are you busy this weekend? Thats just the question it looks like. Why, whats up?, Yessss exactly. What are you doing? If you want! Or autistic natives; I know this one intellectually, but I still have a lot of trouble remembering in the moment that its usually not a real question, and Im also unsure how to respond when I do remember, because I dont like lying, and Im well/fine is usually a lie for me. Ah. They dont ask if you want to do the thing and then you are able to tell them (and if you were busy, youd probably mention that when declining). THIS. I was going to say, my experience with We should hang out some time! and the like are that theyre more of a social gesture. I learned to say Ill see where the weekend takes me, which leaves me open to accept invitations if I want to or to decline to work on Sunday if I dont want to. 25 of the Best Responses to "How Was You Weekend" - Tosaylib If partying and watching Netflix is the only thing you dream of doing, don't pretend that you spend your days filling out job applications. In the UK I think some places greet each other with all right? all right? and nobody blinks an eye. My daughter is also struggling with brainweasels and getting a job. I cant quite tell from your letter if thats the real issue, and I dont think there is any answer to the weekend question that will prevent you from sometimes having to say no to things when the other person wants you to say yes. Try to be kind and positive in your response. Giving my notebook a bath. Men who constantly try to manipulate women into doing all their emotional labor is a ridiculously huge problem in American culture right now. 5 Better Responses to "How Are You?" Than "Busy" - The Muse What are you up to? 18. Then match the sentences with the correct picture. Thats my favorite response! They also influence how OFTEN. Sorry, Im busy. When I asked him later, What the heck? etc. I have a couple of friends/acquaintances(sp? He sometimes vocally wonders why other teams and departments will go out of their way to help me with things but not him, and its because I respond to their small talk rather than shutting it down and gently rebuff social overtures rather than saying No, I dont want to get to know you better or similar. . Just about the only good answer is, That doesnt work for me/us, followed by, Asked and answered, when they dont want to take that answer. Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. I feel like my best friend and I do this back and forth a lot, but thats because we understand there are tiers to plans. (And this is all, of course, assuming I dont want to go. "Have a happy Saturday." 2) "It's almost the weekend." 3) "And just like thatPoof! Mittens and I can primal scream together. (Im looking at you, mom, and you too, aunt.). I can see how doing anything on thee weekend is small talk, but that would only count if the person is someone you are not on visiting terms with, like most of my colleagues. "That is very thoughtful of you, it was a nice weekend.". Unless I have specific plans that I want to talk about, my two go to answers are: Oh, Im not sure yet! if Im open to a suggestion from who Im talking to; or Oh, Im not sure yet, why? if I feel like theyre being nosy or trying to figure out what my schedule is so they can invite me to something when they know Im free then put pressure on my if I say no (mother, Im looking at you). Im with this LWask me to do a specific thing or dont. I compared to you older friends of mine I see ruining their relationships with their adult children through constant disrespect, but then being bewildered as to why things are going so badly. If I just say it sounds fun but Im not up to it, they respect that. Where are you from is often followed by no, where are you REALLY from which seeks to establish that you are a foreigner. My nightmare would be something like this: Them: My 6 year old daughter and her class are putting together a full rundown of the classic opera La Traviata in the original Italian and itll end at 11PM on a weekday. Me: Nope. But when its a thing I -did- want to go to, its 100% better to ensure that I have made plans for the actual event and not have to deal with last minute changes due to someones mistake or mishearing. To the point she gets fallout for being unhelpful if she doesnt do it? You could just ask. picked up a shift right off the bat. For grocery store cashiers, I keep the answer short: Wet, on a rainy day, or Need more coffee this one particularly for coffee shop baristas, who probably hear it too often. (that said, I do aim at treating her the way I would an adult roommate.) I really appreciate the feedback from the Captain and other commenters about the need to own my time and feel more confident in my right to respond when and how I want to. Sometimes, it's good to be a little silly and fun! While having to put up with gday, mate lacks the structural oppression of whats aimed at POC, it is still annoying. LW, one of the things you could do is take a hobby (or pretend to) and have that as your backup plans. What are you doing Thursday? Him: Nothing at all? "Thanks, it was a chance to relax and I am grateful for that.". "Yes, the weekend always . Be here at 6.. One evening he bragged that he never outright asked anyone to do anything for him. I get the where are you from? question all the time. Its okay that sometimes my anxiety is bad. Its okay that sometimes Im in physical pain and need time to recuperate. Once in a college class, we had a group of students who had American parents but had grown up in other countries come and talk to us about the experience of having a foot in two cultures. Eventually I got consistent work as a freelancer, something I could do from home even when I was in pain or needed oxygen etc. ME to GROUP CHAT: [Friend] and I are planning karaoke on [date] If you are available and interested, please let me know by [date] and Ill reserve a room! And the balls in their court if they were actually trying to set up something fun. Me: yes! or no, sorry. This applies in other areas of life too. 100 Funny and Witty Replies to Rude Comments - PairedLife (FWIW, Im not that extreme myself. Im trying to train her out of the habit. (via Shutterstock) 7. I dont find it weird, I think its just whiteness and the safest thing to do is presume white people are going to be like this to some extent, until they prove otherwise. My blood pressure. And partly because, depending on exactly what one wants and what cost one is willing to pay, challenging the culture is how it gets changed. Of course, he keeps doing it his way, so I just ask dunno, why? My DH reminds me when predictable events are coming up and advises me to fill up my calendar! Try these instead. If you already made someone admit that they do not have Serious Plans, of course at this point saying no to your invitation is going to be so much more difficult, because its going to be rude! Especially as its usually done over text, which (to me) precludes the idea of it being small talk. Im well aware of that risk. There is literally a meme that says When you ask me what Im doing today and I say Nothing, it does not mean Im free. This reminds me of a post the Captain did on Freeing Yourself from Constant Contact with people calling all the time. - Casey Stengel Sometimes friends do tell me theyre free, but if I suggest something, they might still say nah, not what I want to do this weekend and thats fine as well! Its a conversation starter, and its my choice whether I continue the conversation by answering or by reflecting it back at them. Id be open to a one-on-one hangout but just out of energy for any group thing, if thats why youre asking laundryall the laundry. If the answer is miserable but I dont want to get into it right now, fine-thanks still works. Then I can pin them down on what, and when, without having pre-committed myself to some favor they were hinting at sideways. Thats not an uncommon experience. How to Respond to the Question "What Are You Up To?" Nowadays I usually use The Captains great script: I do not know yet, I have to check my calendar. Itd be a big help, but if not I could find someone else. Which is a lot of caveats! In a lot of cases I dont think its meant to be manipulative, its just a verbal tic. The vague redirect is also a standard, recognized move. At the same time, someone can just say oh not much if they dont wanna share, which is what I do if my plans that night are private eg therapy. But dont try to play us off against each other. Oh, the usual, you? I hate it when people tell me whats best for me (more plans! (In this case it was never exactly meant to result in actually doing anything), Them We need to have lunch soon So, it's important to read the situation and know how well the person asking you out will respond to a little joke. Next week, tell me how it went? And then make myself a note to specifically ask about it. Most people would rather talk about themselves than anyone else, so turning the question back to them will almost always divert them from further questions about what Im doing. I always respond to casual/formulaic how are you questions with something positive, specific, and widely approachable. And its hard to argue with. Thats already happenedshe made a big stink about her dad telling her that they were all going to do something to support me at a time when I was really upset (something that would have taken about an hour of her time). Them: We should have lunch soon. No.. A question is not a legal summons, you can literally ignore it if you want!

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